gay detective & sultry sidekick

from the evening of april 1, 2011

I am in a house that is very white. Not government of America white, but white in full colour. I am not alone. I am with Sarah Brown, daytime actress extraordinaire. She has been on many soap operas but is best known for originating the role of Carly Roberts on General Hospital, for which she won three daytime Emmys. Yep, yep she did! I know how to pick my dream co-stars!

I have been in this house, and I know what has gone on in it, but I don't let on. It's like I know we're actually in a movie and it's not really happening. Yet Sarah is so good, she is really living the moment. Like all good actresses do. Her and Meryl, man. I have much to learn, this is clear.

Sarah and I are trying to convince some policemen that a crime has been committed here. Not just any crime, but one involving murder. They won't believe us. It's like they know there's a special on at Dunkin Donuts and we're keeping them away from it or something! It is up to Sarah and I to convince them that nefarious things have happened here, in this house of white.

I notice that things are out of whack first, "Look at the tables!" I insist. They are glass, and covered in spots, from being wiped.

"They wiped all the prints off!" Sarah joins in. "They took away all the evidence!" She and are clasping hands, as if we are taking a breather from playing "London Bridges".

"There has to be more proof!" I yell. And this is because I know there is. There are two dead bodies, one in the kitchen and one in the laundry room. My dream self becomes concerned how I know this. It doesn't feel like acting in a movie or General Hospital anymore. It's real, or maybe this is what real acting is? Why didn't community dinner theatre prepare me for this?

Sarah and I are looking for more clues...you know, bloody knife, blunt candlestick. The regular. I lead us to the kitchen where we find corpse #1. Sarah immediately turns and hugs herself into me, vibrating from her sobs.

"Shh, it's okay" I intone, even though I sense it's anything but. "Look at this!" I yell to the cops, who seem even less interested now than before. Public servants! Harumph!

"It's like he's pointing at something!" I note, as his arm is pointing towards the laundry room where I know corpse #2 is hiding. The cops sigh heavily and make their way towards the room, and Sarah and I shuffle over there as well. The corpse over there is much older (as in been there much longer), and incidentally, smellier.

Sarah is still in my arms, but now she's my friend Christine {where's the accordion? :)}, a typical dream shape shifting move.

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God" She repeats over and over again into my shoulder.

"Don't worry," I assert, "we're gonna find this motherfucker!" And I mean it, even as I'm not sure what part I played in all of this.
THE END